Lawyer Mama

Mommy Blogging and BlogHer '08

Don't worry, my peeps.  I'll write a "who went where and did what with whom" post about BlogHer eventually.  Probably a week after everyone else and no one will care anymore.  Heh.  I just have all these thoughts swirling around in my head that I need to get out there first.

Last year's BlogHer was all about connecting with other bloggers for me.  I went to most of the mommy blogging sessions, a writing session, and 1 political session.  I wasn't all that impressed.

The mommy session I enjoyed most last year was the one discussing whether Mommy Blogging was a radical act.  We covered a lot of ground, but we didn't really get into the meat of some interesting topics that came up: race, inclusion and exclusion, and using your blog platform to do something more.  Anyway, the consensus last year seemed to be that putting yourself out there with all your warts and wrinkles was a radical act.  In ripping the rose colored glasses off of motherhood, we were helping other moms and building a community of women who understood that it was OK to be less than perfect.

At the time, that was just what I needed to hear.  It helped me to admit that I had a problem.  I was depressed and I needed help.

Since I came back from my "mental health holiday" I've been a bit detached from the Momosphere.  I read the blogs of my friends in batches.  I read all of MOM-101's monthly posts one day.  Three days later I hit The Bloggess.  Two days later I read Mamma Loves or my lovely AD.  A week later I read Jess's posts and spend an hour afterward giggling to myself.  Gone are the days when I spent an hour every morning before the kids got up reading as many posts as I could in Bloglines.  Gone are the days when I went net surfing for new and fun blogs.  Hell, I'm lucky to just visit the blogs of those who comment on my blog.

The thing is, I know that Liz, Amie, Jenny, Jess, Jen, Tanis, Julie, Joanne (look at all those J's), Kyla, Bon, Sarah, Casey, Celeste, Gwen, Christine, Deb, Kari, Jenn, and all the rest of you, you know who you are, are my community.  If I need them, they will be there and I will be there for them.  Whether or not we've hung on each other's every written word for the last 3 months will be irrelevant.  We'll be there.

This year, I did not attend any of the mommy blogging sessions.  Nor did I attend the session titled "Is Mommy Blogging Still A Radical Act?"  I didn't attend because I know that I can answer that question for myself.  After 2 years of blogging, I've realized that I don't need to constantly talk about the highs and lows of parenting.  I've realized something and it's not going to be popular:

Mommy blogging is not a radical act.

Just writing about the good and the bad of being a parent is not in itself a radical act.  I'm sorry, but it's true.  It's simply not radical for me anymore.  Bad is the new good and everyone's bad in the way everyone used to be good perfect.

So just what is radical if simply writing about the bad isn't?

Stepping out from behind the anonymity of the computer and telling 1,000 women how you feel.

Writing, not just about the bad, but about hope.  Spreading that hope to others.  Writing to change yourself, or the world, or society's views, or change social policy.  Then, stepping away from your computer and doing something about it.

Acting.  Now that's radical.

This year I spent all of my time in the political sessions and I attended the lone photography session as well.  This year, I feel like I got much more out of the BlogHer sessions.  That's not to say that anyone who attended the other sessions was shallow or somehow less worthy, it's just that I've finally figured out where I belong. 

It's not necessarily with the Mommy Bloggers, where I figured I always fit best. Writing for MOMocrats this year, becoming active in politics both locally and nationally, has changed me.  It has elementally changed me.  I'll never be able to go back to being passive and uninvolved again.

I'll keep writing at Lawyer Mama.  I'll keep writing about my children and my joys and frustrations in life.  I'll keep calling this a Mommy Blog, because it is.  But writing here isn't a radical act.

I'll save my radical acts for the real world.

I haven't written about BlogHer yet, because I must sleep

It took me 18 hours to get home.  I took a red eye.  (WHY OH WHY, did I think that was a good idea??)  My morning flight from JFK to Norfolk was canceled and I spent 5 hours wandering the airport.

I got home to a smashed $3000 flat panel TV that T got from his company last year for good behavior or something like that.  Apparently Holden was trying to turn on the Backyardigans with a heavy object and pounding.  While that may sometimes work on the desktop computer, it's not so great for LCD screens.

But....I also got home to loud yelps of "Mommy!  Mommy," sticky kisses and damp hugs.  I missed them so.

More on BlogHer after I sleep....

Oh, but about half of my pics are up on Flickr.

Flying Etiquette (or how to avoid pissing me off)

I'm here in San Francisco!  The squealing and reuniting has already commenced.  I've already run into tons of people just in the lobby (and on my flight!)  But on the flights up here, I had to write a little post about what you shouldn't do when flying.  At least not when you're on the same plane as me....

1. If you need to change your seat, don't wait until the attendants are in the middle of boarding zone 5 and then insist that you, your husband, your mother, your brother, and your two toddlers must have seats right next to each other.

I understand wanting help with two toddlers on a flight.  Man, do I!  But if you don't have time to: (a) change your seat online when you check in 34 hours before your flight; (b) take care of it at the ticketing counter when you check your bags; or (c) before the flight actually begins to board, then get on the flight and trade seats with some people.  Don't stop the entire line of boarding people and possibly delay your flight to make the only attendant deal with your last minute demands.

If you want to induce someone to trade seats with you, a pair of headphones or a nice cocktail can buy you a lot of goodwill.  If that doesn't work, plop one of your toddlers into the seat next to the uncooperative passenger.  He'll move pretty damn fast.

2. Don't knowingly sit in someone else's seat and then act like you were actually ticketed for that seat.  Dude, the first thing the flight attendant will do is check your boarding pass!

I boarded my (full) flight from Norfolk to Atlanta only to find some guy in my window seat.  I asked the couple sitting there if they were sure one of them had 26E (my seat). They both nodded yes.  I looked at my boarding pass and started to hail the flight attendant thinking I'm screwed because Delta has somehow double booked my seat.  Only THEN does the guy in my seat say, “Well, actually I'm in 34E.”  He didn't even look sheepish. So I said, “Fine.  I'll go sit in your seat.”  Does he say thank you?  No, of course not.  Never mind that I had booked the row behind the exit seat so that no one could recline into my lap.

2. If you're having serious intestinal issues, please don't fly.  Or at least use the bathroom in first class.  You'll disgust fewer people.

Mr. “I stole your seat” had a window right next to the bathroom.  One individual spent the vast majority of the flight in there and the smells wafting out into the aisle were extremely unpleasant.  I regularly change a toddler's diaper and I was about ready to hurl.  The only reason I didn't suggest to my fellow passengers that we stage a coup and toss him out the door was the camouflage he was providing for my own, um... aromatic emissions.

4. Don't eat large amounts of broccoli the night before an 8 hour flight.

The only thing that will save you?  See Number 3.

5. Try to remember that you don't own the arm rest, even if you're bigger or wider than the passengers next to you.

On both of my flights, the men sitting next to me immediately propped their elbows on both arm rests.  They didn't just “touch”them a bit, like I do.  I tend to treat the arm rest as a neutral ground, there to keep two cars from running into each other.  (Most people call them medians, yes, I know.) Nooooo, my seat mates had to sprawl across the center arm rest and well into my seat territory.  As I don't enjoy having random strangers poke their elbows in my tummy, I was forced to practically make out with the window.  And frankly, the window looked like a dirty ho'.  Ick.

 

When I said “excuse me” after one particularly painful jab, my seat mate responded with “Sorry, you're smaller than me so you don't understand how uncomfortable these seats can be. They just weren't designed for big guys.” 

Dude, I've flown half way across the country with a squirmy toddler in my lap and punching my kidneys. Don't talk to me about uncomfortable.  Plus, at 5'2”, pretty much every form of transportation in the U.S. is designed for people much taller than me. There are air bags that kill, seat belts that cross right over my neck, and safety rings on subway systems that I can't even reach.  I don't complain about it or grab my fellow Metro riders across the middle.  You know, because the Metro isn't designed for me.  (Well, at least not while I'm sober!)

6. Don't grab things off the flight attendants' hospitality cart.

Wait your turn!  Unless you're hypoglycemic and about to pass out, you can wait 3 minutes for that orange juice.  This is one of the easiest ways to annoy your flight attendants.  (I know.  I'm writing this on a plane and I just asked one!)  If the flight attendants don't smack your hand, your fellow passengers are likely to bludgeon you to death with their plastic headphones, albeit very slowly.

6. When it's time to deplane, don't jump up and immediately push your way to the front of the plane.

Of course, in Atlanta, there was a woman who grabbed her stuff (before the fasten seat belt light went off) and then mowed everyone over to stand at the front of the plane and impatiently wait for the door to open.  Our flight was 5 minutes early.

Babe, If the flight is late, you're not the only one on the plane in danger of missing a connection. The repercussions could be even more serious than in Number 6 because all the passengers will now be able to ironically bludgeon you with the too large luggage they stuffed into the overhead bin.  For being rude.

More tomorrow from BlogHer.... Hopefully!

See You On The Flip Side!

I'm off to San Francisco for BlogHer '08.

See you on the flip side!

Why You Shouldn't Freak Out About BlogHer...

...or BlogHer Survival Skills 101.

I'll admit I was pretty worried heading into BlogHer last year.  I'm an introvert.  Although people who met me last year or who've now met me many times at happy hours are now thinking, "Yeah, right. And introverts dance on top of tables....?"  (OK, I didn't really dance on any tables.  But I do like to put away the martinis when I get a chance to let my hair down.)  I'm not shy, but it takes a lot of energy for me to be so "on" all the time.  But if you're an introvert too, don't worry.  There are lots of us blogging.  I wouldn't be surprised if we outnumber all those extroverts out there.

I promise that it will only be like high school if you let it be.  Try to remember that a lot of us are introverts.  As such, we tend to look for people we already know or know super well on the Internet.  And we clump together in little protective groupings.  If this is your first BlogHer, break into the clump.  Go up to the bloggers you read and introduce yourself.  Say, hello.  Trust me, everyone you talk to will be thrilled to hear that you've read their blog and actually didn't run in the other direction.

I had one of those panicky "OhmygodIdon'tknowanyoneI'llhavetositbymyself" moments at lunch the second day.  I spotted a table full of much more experienced bloggers that I read and worshiped, but the table was pretty full.  So after combing the room for what felt like half an hour, I finally sucked it up, walked over to the full table, and asked if I could join them.  Everyone was so gracious and friendly!  I ended up having a fantastic political conversation with Liz and her mother.  (Liz's mom is FANTASTIC, by the way. Liz warned us that we would adore her and she was right.)

You can read my posts going into and coming out of BlogHer '07 here.  But here's my favorite one about all this angst we have about social situations like this:

Alone In A Crowded Room

Here's my post from last year telling everyone a little bit about me before the big meet up.  And here are my photos from BlogHer '07.

When you're there and you're hiding in the ladies room in the stall next to Jenny until your meds kick in and freaking out because of all the people out there in little circles that seem to exclude you, try to get a grip.  Writers and bloggers are geeks.  A very few of us are cool and extroverted and all that, but most of us are social misfits.  We may have been faking it very nicely in the real world for 30-40 years or so, but deep down we're really just nerds and geeks.  (Some of us with nicer shoes.  See tag line above!) We aren't trying to exclude anyone and we aren't talking about you or making fun of your shoes/weight/top/bleach job. We're too busy worrying if anyone has noticed we've packed on 15 pounds since liast year.

Along those lines ... as a social misfit myself, I cannot always remember the names and URL's of the 232 blogs that are in my Bloglines.  So please forgive me if you tell me you read and comment on my blog and I give you a blank stare.  I'm looking at your name tag, frantically trying to picture your blog header in my mind.  Oh and I have cool SWAG to give away, so ask me about it!  Last year I kept forgetting about those magnets in my purse.

If you'd like to find me, I'll be at the People's Party on Thursday night.  Please come say "HI!"  I can't wait to meet you.

LeapFrog TAG: A Must Have!

I have a review of the new LeapFrog TAG, and the Savvy Source Quiz you see over there on the sidebar, up on Lawyer Mama Review.

Go check it out!

My Sanctuary

Jenn from Serving the Queens tagged me with a meme about 6 months ago.  Being the world's biggest procrastinator, I am just getting around to doing it.  Sometime around the year 2054 I may catch up.

Now we all know that Lawyer Mama hates completing memes.  She loves being tagged for them.  She loves reading them when other people do them.  But she is usually too damn lazy to actually complete them herself.  So perhaps we should all note this day in our calendars.  (We can also note it as yet another time when Lawyer Mama kept annoyingly referring to herself in the 3rd person.)

Jenn wants a picture of my room and a description of the things in it.  It's a wonderful idea, with the thought being that your bedroom, the most private of rooms, says a lot about you.  The problem?  My room is a pit from hell.  It's the messiest room in the house, probably because no one ever sees it so it becomes the dumping ground when we're cleaning up the rest of the house for company.  Sigh.  So what does that say about me?

I'm not sure that I like what my bedroom says about me, but it's pretty accurate.  I usually pretend to be the perfect person with her shit together and ducks all in a row.  Secretly, I'm popping the anti-depressants and falling apart.  So it shouldn't be any surprise that when you come over for dinner, my house looks pretty good.  Because we've stuffed all the nastiness somewhere upstairs where you can't see it.

Oh my god!  I just realized that my blog is my emotional bedroom!

Um, I think I need to go call my therapist now....

I did the meme anyway, despite my breakthrough regarding my neuroses.  I tried to hide the worst of the mess, in typical form.  Don't judge me!

***********
I also have a few things to pass on.  I'm horrible, horrible, horrible about this.  Usually because I forget who has given me what or where it is.  If I don't copy down the link or get an email from someone, I'm screwed.  So I'm making an effort to pass these on now before the memories are forever gone in the mists of my Mommy Brain.

Julie gave me this:



I was really touched.  I've been so fortunate to have made so many real and wonderful friends through this blog.  It would be nearly impossible for me to name every single one of you.  So many of you have given me hope, support, and an ear over the last very difficult 6 months.  I can't tell you how much that means to me.

I would like to pass this on to a few people who immediately spring to mind.  (And Julie would have been one of them if I hadn't gotten this from her!)

He's Now a Monkey

Let's list the animals Holden has been thus far:

Goat

Cat

Monkey:

Any guesses on the next animal?

The Tragic Demise of a Bubble

I think we all know how it ends....

Lucky 13

This has been one of the hardest years of my life.

Between the depression, deaths, and basic life upheaval it's actually hard to look back over the last year without regrets.  I can't even bring myself to process the photos from my visit to Louisiana for my grandmother's funeral in March.  It's just too painful and it's easier to ignore for now.

With all that's gone wrong in the last year, there's one thing, one person who has helped me more than I can say.

T.

He's my best friend, my soul mate, father of my children, my everything.  He's more than I can say.  So in a rare move for me, a blogger, I'm going to save the rest of my words for him on this, our 13th wedding anniversary.

I love you, T-bear.