I've made a few veiled references to the fact that T and I are trying to have another baby. The reasons I don't talk about it on here much are actually pretty silly. Conventional wisdom says that you should never share such information in case there are problems. But we were already well into "problem" territory when we tried to have a baby the first time around.
If you're a regular reader here, you know something of my infertility history. If you're new to my little psychodrama, you can find the major pieces here:
Part I: The Opposite of Fertility is Infertility
Part II: Baby Chase Part II
Part III: 'Tis the Season to be Depressed
Part IV: A Black & White Clock
Part V: A Sidetrip to Iceland
Part VI: Blunt and Blue
I've said in the past that I've never really sought to become an infertility blogger. I started this blog in 2006, after my second son, Little H, was born. That's not to say that I've ever forgotten, or even really recovered, from the many disappointments we had along the way. But the past was the past and I realized how lucky we are.
Now, we're trying again and we know it won't be easy because we've been trying for a year now. I'll be documenting our journey from here on out, because I'm now an outside consultant and Community Manager for Attain Fertility. I'll be managing the Attain Fertility Blog and Facebook and Twitter Communities online.
To be absolutely clear for those lovely people from the FTC, I am being paid to be Attain Fertility's Community Manager and to post on their blog. They are not, however, paying me to write about them on my personal blog, Facebook or Twitter accounts. So rest assured, I'm only doing so because I think Attain Fertility is wonderful. They offer some wonderful ways to finance infertility treatments for those of us without unlimited funds and health insurance that only cover infertility testing, rather than treatment. If there was a clinic in my area, I'd go. However, the closest Attain Fertility clinics are in North Carolina or the DC area. That's actually turned out to be a good thing. You can rest assured that I'll be speaking honestly and openly about my treatment experiences because it won't affect my bread and butter in any way.
You can find my inaugural post, Yes, I'm an Infertile Klutz, on the Attain Fertility blog and a bit from my second post below:
The Box of Paddington Bears
Paddington Bear makes me think of childhood. My mother adored the orphan bear. I knew the story of Paddington from an early age and my mother’s fascination with that adorable British bear passed on to me. Adopted by a family when he arrived at Paddington Station with a mysterious, “Please look after this bear” tag on his blue coat, Paddington was cute, fuzzy, and he loved marmalade. I didn’t know what marmalade was, but I had to try it just for him. When I pictured myself as an adult with children, I always seemed to be reading them bed time stories featuring my beloved Paddington.
Of course, life doesn’t always turn out the way we hope.
I had my first miscarriage when I was a 27 year old law student. My husband and I weren’t trying to have a baby and I was equal parts terrified and thrilled to discover I was pregnant at about 10 weeks. Only a few days later, it was over. My doctor said there was no reason to suspect there was anything wrong, it was just “one of those things that happen.” I still thought about the baby that might have been, but I didn’t worry. I went on with my life.
Fast forward a few years. I hit 30 and we decided it was time to start trying to have a baby. Because I’m a Type A person, we had to do everything the “right” way. We had a preconception appointment; I started taking prenatal vitamins and stopped taking birth control pills. I ate right, I exercised, and we got pregnant on our very first try. Morning sickness hit me like a ton of bricks. I started collecting Paddington Bears for our baby’s bedroom.
Then there was no heartbeat.
