Hi, my name is Stephanie and I like to pee on sticks.
It all started innocently enough. The first time I got pregnant, it was an accident and I was about 2 weeks late. (This seems shocking to me now considering how closely I monitor my monthly cycles!) I picked up a test and then another and then one more. Just to be safe.
There was a certain satisfaction in ripping open the package, reading the instructions, carefully positioning the test, peeing on a stick and then setting it on the counter, watching the clock the whole time. But I forgot all about that in the “OH MY GOSH, I’M PREGNANT!” reaction that was equal parts horror and elation, followed by the “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m not pregnant anymore” sadness.
I rediscovered my secret love for pregnancy tests a few years later when the husband and I started trying to have a baby on purpose. I got to buy and pee on those pregnancy tests again! After the miscarriage, I found yet another way to fulfill my illicit craving – the ovulation predictor kit. Now I could pee on a stick 5 or even 8 or 9 times. IN ONE MONTH!
I even picked up the “pee on a stick” lingo and wrote POAS as I talked with all of my fellow addicts on a certain very popular baby site that may start with Baby, contain the word Center and end in dot com. Yes, there’s a whole raft of POAS addicts out there. We swapped the best sites to buy them online; we debated the merits of our favorite brands; we pounced on any information found online or off about the purported sensitivity of each test and debated just how early was too early to POAS.
I'll admit it; I was a bit of a pee stick whore. I tried them all. Pink lines and blue lines, plus signs and even words. You can’t imagine the wonder I felt the first time a pregnancy stick actually used the words “not pregnant.” I even had a bit of a flirtation with the “alternative” test lifestyle. You know, I peed in a cup and then dipped a test in.
After all of that, I’m back to my one truly constant POAS relationship – the conservative yet reliable double pink lines.
Yes, I know it’s an odd relationship. I could save so much money just waiting for my period to show up every month. But I’ll keep peeing on a stick every month. You see, it’s what I do and it makes me feel like I have the tiniest bit of control over my life and my infertility journey. And maybe one of these days I’ll figure out how to POAS without peeing on my hand.
