Lawyer Mama

Pundit Mom, Friendship, Politics, and Motherhood

When I first started blogging, I was incredibly lucky.  One of the first commenters I had (that wasn't related to me) was Joanne Bamberger.  I had been stalking her blog for awhile because I so admired her mix of smarts, motherhood and politics on her blog, Pundit Mom. When she We had so much in common, but Joanne also challenged some of my views about politics and feminism. She's made me examine my own biases through a critical lens and she does with a deft hand. (Plus, Joanna is also a recovering lawyer.  Although I didn't know it at the time, we would also eventually have the "recovering" part in common as well.)

Joanne has done so much for me professionally.  When I wouldn't call myself a "real" writer, she smacked me upside the head.  (Virtually, of course.)  She introduced me to others in the bloggy world of moms and politics.  She was my entree into the DC Metro Moms blog and we both joined MOMocrats at the same time.  She's been a loyal cheerleader and an amazing friend over the last 5 years.

In the same time, Joanne has done some wonderful things.  When we met, she was already an accomplished writer and blogger, but now her name is always mentioned as one of the top female political bloggers. She's debated conservatives on CNN, Fox and others.  She's had policy discussions with our country's legislative leaders. She works tirelessly to do all of this with civility and respect for others, something that is often lost in politics.

Now, my dear friend has written a book. Now, this post isn't a review.  I haven't read the book yet. Although, yes, I pre-ordered it on Amazon like, the moment it was available.  But I already know that it's a must read.  You see, the book, Mothers of Intention, takes its name from the series of guest posts from Joanne's blog.  On Pundit Mom, she's been running the Mothers of Intention series for several years. (My post for the series appears in February of 2008.) She features women writing about politics, bt she doesn't just feature political writers.  Joanne has managed to talk women (conservative and progressive) who swore they knew nothing about politics to open up and realize, well, HECK YEAH, maybe I DO have some opinions!  And yes, those opinions matter.

The book also brings Jo's always thoughtful analysis to the topic of how women and social media are revolutionizing politics on both sides of the aisle.  It's not just the boys' game anymore and Joanne knows it.  I can't wait to read it.  I hope you'll read it too.

In the interests of full disclosure, I should tell you that I'm a contributor to the book, although it's not the post linked above.  But I'm just one of many, many thoughtful voices in the book.  I'm actually amazed to be included with such wonderful women and I have Joanne to thank for that.

You can preorder Mothers of Intention now!

How to Make People Instantly Uncomfortable: Tell Them You're Infertile!

Last weekend, at the BogHer 2010 in conference in New York, I had the chance to attend a panel about blogging grief, loss and tragedy on the internet. One of the panelists was Cecily Kellogg, who blogs as Uppercase Woman and is a noted infertility blogger. Cecily was on the panel to share her experiences after she developed preeclampsia and was forced to terminate her twin pregnancy at 23.5 weeks to save her own life. The stories of all of the panelists, including Cecily’s, were heartbreaking, but they were hopeful as well.

Many people are uncomfortable hearing or even reading about someone’s grief. As people undergoing infertility treatments or with the infertility diagnosis, we are all acutely aware of this. We’ve all suffered through those uncomfortable moments where well meaning family and friends joke about how you’re not getting any younger and you’d better think about having kids before your ovaries shrivel up. If you explain that you’ve been trying for several years and start mentioning ovarian reserve testing and male factor infertility, people just don’t know how to react.

Despite the inability of onlookers to process open grief, everyone on the panel indicated that blogging and the online community they’d found, saved them in many ways. Listening to the women on the panel discuss their grief and loss openly was refreshing. You see, when my husband and I were struggling to have our first child, I wasn’t blogging yet. I kept a diary and it helped to write about it, but we weren’t really sharing our experiences with anyone we knew. The very first time I got pregnant, we told everyone. After I lost the baby, we decided we weren’t going to be in that position again, openly grieving in front of everyone.

Read the rest of this post on the Attain Fertility blog....

Just a reminder to everyone (and to make the FTC happy), I'm a paid outside consultant and Community Manager for Attain Fertility. But I did not attend BlogHer on their dime.

Adorable Retro Shoes for BlogHer 2010

I got some new shoes that are so adorable, I had to share them.

 

This photo made possible by the wonder of my life that is the iPhone.

What are you wearing to BlogHer?

I'll be speaking on a panel on Friday afternoon, Creating Tangible Social Change: How to Move People to Action. It's at 1:15pm, so don't miss it!  I'll be the one in the really cute shoes.

Team WhyMommy's Virtual Science Fair

I've posted before about Susan aka WhyMommy from Toddler Planet.  Susan is a mom to two little boys, about the same ages as H&H.  She's also a scientist and an awesome writer.  Oh, and she kicked cancer's ass a few years ago.

Unfortunately, Susan's back in surgery.  Once again, she has tons of bloggy support.  In fact, Jean from Stimeyland came up with a great way to let Susan know that we're thinking about her.  Not by talking about cancer, but by teaching our kids about science.

While I've fallen off of the blogosphere radar for awhile now, I had to participate in this.  I hope she'll read all of our posts in a few days and realize how many people are thinking about her and, most importantly, following her example.

For our "science project" we planted a garden!  This is a big thing for me.  Despite the fact that I'm married to a guy who grew up on a farm, we've never attempted to keep anything green, aside from a few hardy houseplants, alive.  In the interests of full disclosure, I must admit that we currently only have 1 remaining houseplant.  All the others have fallen victim to our benign neglect or the careless cruelty of our cats.

The Garden

T did all the heavy lifting and constructed our garden boxes: 

Hollis helped a bit!

 
The boys "helped" T load the boxes with soil:

 

We planted peas, green beans, squash, cucumbers, onions, lettuce, broccoli, peas, corn, watermelon, tomatoes, sunflowers and peppers.  Of course, they wouldn't all fit in our two raised garden boxes, so we also cleared out some ground near a fence for the corn and sunflowers.  We also used some garden boxes up on our patio for the overflow.

 

After we planted two weeks ago, the boys asked me every. single. day. if their veggies were done yet.  And every day, they came out and helped us water the garden.

And now, they can see the results of their labor:

 
 

(Holden checks out the cucumbers.)

(I think the boys were most impressed with the green beans!)

 

The boys still haven't lost their enthusiasm for helping out and we're going to milk that for all it's worth!

The boys now understand a bit more about how and why things grow. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they'll decide that vegetables they grew themselves are definitely worth eating.  As for me, I think about Susan every time I look out at the garden and send her a big virtual hug.

Don't forget to go read the rest of the Team WhyMommy Virtual Science Fair posts.

All of these photos were taken on my iPhone.  Just in case you were wondering.

Moms Inspired to Change History

8 Women Making a Difference

by Joanne Bamberger aka Pundit Mom

They refer to us as soccer moms. TV commercials still show mothers, not the fathers, as the ones wiping up spills and wiping noses. As important as parenting is, plenty of mothers have more on their agendas -- they're finding their own ways to make their mark and change the world. Here are eight we found particularly inspiring.

Stephanie Himel-Nelson and Vivian Greentree, Blue Star Families
Stephanie Himel-Nelson and Vivian Greentree, each a mother of two young sons, were never political activists until the 2008 presidential campaign. Both had connections to the armed services, though, and wanted to help highlight the many issues faced by military families. From the Hampton Roads area of Virginia, both women played integral roles of Blue Star Families for Obama (BSF4O) -- Greentree as the group's director for leadership, and Himel-Nelson as deputy outreach director.

Read more at MSN....

Now personally, I think Joanne should have included herself in this article.

Would Women Rather Have Equal Pay or a Prayer Caucus? Hmmm....

Please welcome Progressive Gal, a dear friend of mine who blogs at The Liberal Life of a Navy Wife. She's been my political partner in crime since she cyber-stalked me and we met for the first time in July of 2008.

Although you probably wouldn't know this from reading my political posts at MOMocrats, Glenn Nye is not really my congressman.  My actual congressman, Randy Forbes, is a right wing Republican.  He was also running against a Democratic candidate in 2008 who didn't have a bat's chance in hell or two nickels to rub together.  So PG and I threw our efforts into the congressional race in the 2nd District between Thelma Drake and Glenn Nye.  Sometimes we like to pretend that we live in his district but, alas, we do not.

When PG wrote our actual congressman about his vote regarding the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, he wrote back an email that pissed us both off. We had to reply, and so we wrote this response together. 

Snark by PG, wonk by me.

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With the passage of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act by both the House and Senate, we wanted to take the time to share the rationale of one Congressman who voted against it. Congressman Randy Forbes (R-Va.) is one of the 171 Congressmen who voted against equal pay for women. Here is an excerpt from his (or apparently a less able staffer's) lackluster rationale to defend his vote against women along with our critique of his arguments. The short version is: I really care about fair pay, really I do. I just don't want to take any measures that actually ensure any regulation. You'll just clog up the court system when they need to be concentrating on other things like ensuring my rights to use taxpayers' time and money to host Congressional Prayer Caucuses. It's all about family values, dontcha know?

Here is his response:

The House of Representatives passed H.R. 11, the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, by a vote of 247 - 171 without my support. This bill would allow employees to file charges of alleged employment discrimination within 180 days of the last paycheck received that is affected by alleged discrimination. By permitting such claims to be brought within 180 days - not of a discriminatory pay decision, but of a paycheck affected by that decision - the measure would effectively eliminate the statute of limitations on such cases. While this bill's stated intention was to improve pay equity, this ill-advised provision would almost certainly encourage the filing of claims that are not timely, and thus add to the already considerable burden on the courts. There is no evidence to suggest that the current statute of limitations has resulted in any demonstrable prejudice against claims by employees for pay discrimination.

Well, Congressman Forbes, let's talk about your "problems" with the bill.

1. Statute of Limitations

Congressman, you state that permitting claims to be filed within 180 days of the last paycheck affected by that decision would effectively eliminate the statute of limitations. Ummm, we're not seeing how. Once an employee leaves the company, she has 180 days to file suit. Looks like a pretty clear limitation to me.

Moreover, the "statute of limitations" effectively set by the Supreme Court case the Ledbetter legislation overturns, only permits women to recover for pay discrimination in the 180 day period before they file an EEOC complaint, no matter how long the discrimination has occurred, how the company concealed it, or how egregious the violation. This limitation effectively nullifies the Equal Pay Act of 1963 and Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Most people don't openly discuss their salaries, particularly when starting a new job. In fact, some company policies prohibit employees from discussing their salaries with other employees. If that's the case, no employee could ever discover that they had been discriminated against in a salary decision. The Supreme Court's decision in Ledbetter v. Goodyear, effectively places the burden on the employee to prevent the pay discrimination. This burden should be on the company not the employee. The company is the only party with all of the pay information. Placing this onus on the employee effectively permits companies to discriminate at will. Is that what you mean by wanting to "ensure that businesses are able to operate in an environment where they can grown [SIC] and thrive."

2. Overburdened Courts

You also claim that the new legislation will "encourage" untimely pay discrimination suits and increase the burden on our court system. Let's talk about what "untimely" means. If a suit is filed within 180 days of a paycheck affected by a discriminatory decision, how is that untimely? See paragraph #1 if you're still confused about why it is that employees can't jump on the lawsuit bandwagon immediately after a pay decision.  Pay discrimination often adds up in small increments over time, only become noticeable or "lawsuit worthy" after the period set by the Supreme Court in the Ledbetter case.

You are correct that the intent of the new legislation is to increase pay equity. Without this legislation, pay inequity will almost certainly continue. The easy fix for this is, of course, for companies to carefully consider the basis for their pay decisions and to ensure that inequity doesn't result from gender bias. You may find this surprising, but most companies don't change their practices unless they will suffer financially if they do not.  Therein lies the "motivation" behind much of our country's workplace legislation.

Following your line of reasoning, perhaps we should stop prosecuting claims of civil rights violations, or maybe we should let rape and murder slide. After all, our courts are awfully busy. Where do we stop? Where is the line? When exactly is it acceptable to discriminate? Congressman Forbes, I guess you have decided the line is drawn right before women get equal pay. Thanks so much. Professional women and girls across America thank you for attempting to prevent our judicial system from becoming overburdened.

3. No Evidence of Demonstrable Prejudice

Congressman, you really saved the best for last, didn't you?  You state that there has been "no demonstrable evidence" of employees prejudiced by the current statute of limitations.  Amazingly, you did this without a hint of irony given the personal moniker of the Act. Who do you think Lilly Ledbetter is, Congressman? We've read her court cases. We know that the trial court did indeed find that Ms. Ledbetter was discriminated against by Goodyear in pay decision after pay decision. The 11th Circuit and the Supreme Court decided to rewrite the statute of limitations, effectively limiting Ms. Ledbetter's recovery for 20 years of discrimination to pay decisions made in 1997 and 1998. I'd call that prejudice.

Oh, and Mr. Congressman, the fact that you responded to our initial query with an email addressed to "Mister," assuming the writer was a man, does perhaps explain your indifference to women's issues. Perhaps you also assume that the absence of a "Women's Issues" link on your website's issue page is compensated for by having a "Family Values" link. Or, maybe you just don't want to highlight your dearth of support for your women constituents and hope we'll all be satisfied by you praying for us at one of your prayer caucuses or writing letters in support of funding abstinence-only sex education.

Whatever the case, we can assure you that women can, and do, follow the issues. We also read court cases, legislation, and voting records. We also happen to campaign against those politicians we feel don't share our value systems. And, we do all this while being wives and mothers.

We know you have two years until your next election, Mr. Congressman, but this is your warning notice. You've seriously pissed off these two constituents. First with your vote and then with the thin, unsubstantiated response you provided. Perhaps you don't care about the voices of two women, but we should warn you that we have big mouths, a political network of progressive women (many of whom happen to live in your district) and the motivation to make sure you aren't in office in 2011.

Sincerely,
Progressive Gal &
Lawyer Mama

P.S. Please teach your staffers how to proofread if you want to be taken seriously.

Cross posted at MOMocrats, where Lawyer Mama joins other powerful lady bloggers in using her voice to call out politicians like Randy Forbes, and at The Liberal Life of a Navy Wife, where Progressive Gal does the same.

In case anyone is wondering, Glenn Nye voted for the Lily Ledbetter Equal Pay Act.  Yet another reason why we are his political "groupies."

Candlelight Reflection

Look at that!  There I go posting again.  Don't get used to it though. LOL!

I've emerged from my campaign chaos to participate in the Greeblepix Photo Contest for October.  I hear Amiee and she's an honorary MOMocrat.  I got to see her twice this summer - at BlogHer and at the DNC - where she was nice enough to ignore the fact that all the MOMos smelled after roasting at Invesco for oh, 12 hours.

I took the photo below of Holden, after we lit the candles on my birthday cake last Saturday evening.  I knew I had to take a photo when I saw the candlelight reflected in his eyes.  I did not use a flash.

Mommy Blogging and BlogHer '08

Don't worry, my peeps.  I'll write a "who went where and did what with whom" post about BlogHer eventually.  Probably a week after everyone else and no one will care anymore.  Heh.  I just have all these thoughts swirling around in my head that I need to get out there first.

Last year's BlogHer was all about connecting with other bloggers for me.  I went to most of the mommy blogging sessions, a writing session, and 1 political session.  I wasn't all that impressed.

The mommy session I enjoyed most last year was the one discussing whether Mommy Blogging was a radical act.  We covered a lot of ground, but we didn't really get into the meat of some interesting topics that came up: race, inclusion and exclusion, and using your blog platform to do something more.  Anyway, the consensus last year seemed to be that putting yourself out there with all your warts and wrinkles was a radical act.  In ripping the rose colored glasses off of motherhood, we were helping other moms and building a community of women who understood that it was OK to be less than perfect.

At the time, that was just what I needed to hear.  It helped me to admit that I had a problem.  I was depressed and I needed help.

Since I came back from my "mental health holiday" I've been a bit detached from the Momosphere.  I read the blogs of my friends in batches.  I read all of MOM-101's monthly posts one day.  Three days later I hit The Bloggess.  Two days later I read Mamma Loves or my lovely AD.  A week later I read Jess's posts and spend an hour afterward giggling to myself.  Gone are the days when I spent an hour every morning before the kids got up reading as many posts as I could in Bloglines.  Gone are the days when I went net surfing for new and fun blogs.  Hell, I'm lucky to just visit the blogs of those who comment on my blog.

The thing is, I know that Liz, Amie, Jenny, Jess, Jen, Tanis, Julie, Joanne (look at all those J's), Kyla, Bon, Sarah, Casey, Celeste, Gwen, Christine, Deb, Kari, Jenn, and all the rest of you, you know who you are, are my community.  If I need them, they will be there and I will be there for them.  Whether or not we've hung on each other's every written word for the last 3 months will be irrelevant.  We'll be there.

This year, I did not attend any of the mommy blogging sessions.  Nor did I attend the session titled "Is Mommy Blogging Still A Radical Act?"  I didn't attend because I know that I can answer that question for myself.  After 2 years of blogging, I've realized that I don't need to constantly talk about the highs and lows of parenting.  I've realized something and it's not going to be popular:

Mommy blogging is not a radical act.

Just writing about the good and the bad of being a parent is not in itself a radical act.  I'm sorry, but it's true.  It's simply not radical for me anymore.  Bad is the new good and everyone's bad in the way everyone used to be good perfect.

So just what is radical if simply writing about the bad isn't?

Stepping out from behind the anonymity of the computer and telling 1,000 women how you feel.

Writing, not just about the bad, but about hope.  Spreading that hope to others.  Writing to change yourself, or the world, or society's views, or change social policy.  Then, stepping away from your computer and doing something about it.

Acting.  Now that's radical.

This year I spent all of my time in the political sessions and I attended the lone photography session as well.  This year, I feel like I got much more out of the BlogHer sessions.  That's not to say that anyone who attended the other sessions was shallow or somehow less worthy, it's just that I've finally figured out where I belong. 

It's not necessarily with the Mommy Bloggers, where I figured I always fit best. Writing for MOMocrats this year, becoming active in politics both locally and nationally, has changed me.  It has elementally changed me.  I'll never be able to go back to being passive and uninvolved again.

I'll keep writing at Lawyer Mama.  I'll keep writing about my children and my joys and frustrations in life.  I'll keep calling this a Mommy Blog, because it is.  But writing here isn't a radical act.

I'll save my radical acts for the real world.

Why You Shouldn't Freak Out About BlogHer...

...or BlogHer Survival Skills 101.

I'll admit I was pretty worried heading into BlogHer last year.  I'm an introvert.  Although people who met me last year or who've now met me many times at happy hours are now thinking, "Yeah, right. And introverts dance on top of tables....?"  (OK, I didn't really dance on any tables.  But I do like to put away the martinis when I get a chance to let my hair down.)  I'm not shy, but it takes a lot of energy for me to be so "on" all the time.  But if you're an introvert too, don't worry.  There are lots of us blogging.  I wouldn't be surprised if we outnumber all those extroverts out there.

I promise that it will only be like high school if you let it be.  Try to remember that a lot of us are introverts.  As such, we tend to look for people we already know or know super well on the Internet.  And we clump together in little protective groupings.  If this is your first BlogHer, break into the clump.  Go up to the bloggers you read and introduce yourself.  Say, hello.  Trust me, everyone you talk to will be thrilled to hear that you've read their blog and actually didn't run in the other direction.

I had one of those panicky "OhmygodIdon'tknowanyoneI'llhavetositbymyself" moments at lunch the second day.  I spotted a table full of much more experienced bloggers that I read and worshiped, but the table was pretty full.  So after combing the room for what felt like half an hour, I finally sucked it up, walked over to the full table, and asked if I could join them.  Everyone was so gracious and friendly!  I ended up having a fantastic political conversation with Liz and her mother.  (Liz's mom is FANTASTIC, by the way. Liz warned us that we would adore her and she was right.)

You can read my posts going into and coming out of BlogHer '07 here.  But here's my favorite one about all this angst we have about social situations like this:

Alone In A Crowded Room

Here's my post from last year telling everyone a little bit about me before the big meet up.  And here are my photos from BlogHer '07.

When you're there and you're hiding in the ladies room in the stall next to Jenny until your meds kick in and freaking out because of all the people out there in little circles that seem to exclude you, try to get a grip.  Writers and bloggers are geeks.  A very few of us are cool and extroverted and all that, but most of us are social misfits.  We may have been faking it very nicely in the real world for 30-40 years or so, but deep down we're really just nerds and geeks.  (Some of us with nicer shoes.  See tag line above!) We aren't trying to exclude anyone and we aren't talking about you or making fun of your shoes/weight/top/bleach job. We're too busy worrying if anyone has noticed we've packed on 15 pounds since liast year.

Along those lines ... as a social misfit myself, I cannot always remember the names and URL's of the 232 blogs that are in my Bloglines.  So please forgive me if you tell me you read and comment on my blog and I give you a blank stare.  I'm looking at your name tag, frantically trying to picture your blog header in my mind.  Oh and I have cool SWAG to give away, so ask me about it!  Last year I kept forgetting about those magnets in my purse.

If you'd like to find me, I'll be at the People's Party on Thursday night.  Please come say "HI!"  I can't wait to meet you.

Women for John McCain

The most hysterical site I've seen in ages.  Go read it!

Women for John McCain

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Also, I'll be on the MOMocrats Podcast again this Sunday at 6pm EST.  We'll be discussing the Dems' plans to turn key states from red to blue and having a follow up discussion on the Virginia and Texas Democratic conventions.  If you'd like to listen in, or participate in the simulcast chat, we'd love to have you.

MOMocrats Podcast

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I also forgot to mention that one of my Virginia Convention posts for MOMocrats is up on the Huffington Post.  <shameless_self_promotion>Go me!</shameless_self_promotion>