Lawyer Mama

Explaining War to Our Children

I've been such a horrible blogger lately.  It's not that I haven't been writing, it's that I haven't been writing here.  Hopefully I can take some time over the next few weeks to catch up on everything happening in our crazy lives right now.

In the meantime, I had a little something in the New York Times last week about trying to explain war to my kids.  This has been, hands down, the hardest thing about being part of a military family for me.  My boys ask questions and I don't want to confuse them, but I feel dishonest covering complex issues like war and death with platitudes deoid of nuance and the political realities in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Anyway, this was a wonderful opportunity and I actually got some good suggestions in the comments (I just ignored the "baby killer" taunts).  Read on:

Explaining war to kids is always hard, but when you’re part of a military family, the task is even more difficult because it’s so personal. When my sons were little, their father was in the Navy Reserve as an intelligence officer with the Seabees, the Navy’s construction division. The boys understood what the military was in a very hazy “It must involve a ship, Daddy going away, and a large yellow bee” kind of way. But because their father wasn’t directly in harm’s way, I was able to gloss over hard questions about war and just concentrate on the fun parts of having a dad in the military from a toddler’s perspective — serving the country and wearing really cool hats.

When my brother, a soldier in the Ohio National Guard, went off to Kuwait three years ago, that explanation no longer seemed sufficient.....  Read the rest of this post on the New York Times website....

My Own Little Epiphany

In most families, people start packing away the Christmas decorations on December 26th. But in my (Catholic) family, we keep them up for the entire twelve days of Christmas. It's all a celebration.

My (Catholic) family is also from Louisiana, so the day after Twelfth Night is heralded as the start of the Mardi Gras season!  But it's also more widely known as Epiphany.

Epiphany marks the visit of the Magi to Bethelehem and celebrates the manifestation of Christ to the world. So quite fittingly, an "epiphany" is also the realization of a great truth.

Because of all this, it seems appropriate that Holden was born on Epiphany - January 6th. Now I'm not comparing him to Christ.  I mean, can you imagine what kind of mother-in-law I'd make some day?  But Holden has taught me so many great truths.  Hollis may have made me a mother, but Holden taught me to enjoy it.

He was an easy baby, so different from Hollis.  Quick to smile, to laugh, to walk, to run, to leap.  He is fearless in a way I've never been.  He is as different from me as a child could be, but I wouldn't change a thing about him.  (Well, maybe I'd change his inability to aim into the toilet and I wish he loved Angry Birds a bit less.)

Holden doesn't walk into a room, he runs.  He's an extrovert, stubborn (OK, maybe the stubborn part is familiar!), open hearted and full of love.  He gives out at least 30 kisses a day.

He's a rough and tumble boy, but he also loves nothing more than to fold himself into my lap for a nice, long snuggle.

He loves Legos, Star Wars, my iPhone, and Angry Birds, but he also adores Care Bears and My Little Pony.

Holden won't conform, follow the pack or just "get along." He has to be his own little self. He even came up with his own name for me.  Hollis calls out for Mommy, but when Holden sees me, he hollers out "Mama!" while hurtling across the room.

You can't possibly raise a child like Holden, flinging himself through life, and not learn some amazing things about living and loving with your whole heart.  And these lessons have turned out to be some of the greatest truths of all.

Of course, being born on the first day of the Mardi Gras season has to count for something in my family! I predict a life full of raucous celebrations and love for my little epiphany, Holden.

Happy fifth birthday, my snuggle bug. Mama loves you.

 

 

Lego Generations

When I was 13, we took a family vacation to Denmark.  While we were there, we made the obligatory trip to Legoland. My thirteen year old self was completely underwhelmed by the visit.  I thought I was too old and too cool to get excited over Lego replicas of the Alps, Taj Mahal and White House.  (Although I'll admit the Lego traffic school was kind of neat!)

While we were there, my mom bought me a Lego key chain.  It was a little Lego girl, kind of nifty, and so I put it on my keychain.  Twenty Five years later, I still have a Lego girl on my key chain.  She isn't the original, I've replaced her twice.  (Those little Legos are pretty hardy.)  My current Lego girl's face has completely rubbed off, and she's missing her hands, but she's hanging in there.

I'm not quite sure why I've kept my Lego girls for so long. Once I was in high school it was kind of a "thing," but beyond that it was something more.  My Lego girl reminds me of who I was and who I am.  She's utilitarian, the anti-Barbie, and my own little feminist talisman.

A few years ago, about the time Hollis started to pay attention to Legos, he noticed my Lego girl. And he and Holden ask about her all the time.  They want to know how I got my first Lego girl, all about Legoland, and why I still have her on my key chain.  Oh, and why I won't let them have her to add to their personal Lego collections!

The week before Christmas, I went to New York for work.  While I was there, I decided to go check out the Lincoln Center tree and skating rink and take a few photos on my iPhone for the boys.  Walking along 5th Avenue, I saw the Lego store.  Like the mother of any boy of a certain age, I had to pop into the store and check it out.  Just so I could tell the boys about it, of course!  And near the check out counter, I found them.  The Lego keychains.  I wasn't able to find a family, but I got pretty close.  Now we all have Lego keychains.

Hollis is the kinght and Holden is the jester. And both boys are thrilled with their tiny avatars.

Christmas Card Outtakes

Because life isn't always a perfect picture and we wouldn't want it to be. Sometimes the outtakes are the best part!

The First Rule of Poo

In January, right after my son Holden turned 3, we decided to potty train him.  He was showing every sign of being ready.  He's incredibly verbal.  He knows how to tell us when he has to go.  Hell, he'll pee on demand for a piece of candy corn.  (Don't judge me!)  So we ditched the diapers and went for it.

On Day Two, I walked into the living room and discovered (through nose power) that Holden had pooped and went foraging for treasure in his underwear.  I controlled my gag reflex, cleaned the kid up, and we discussed an important Rule of Poo: Don't put your hands in your tushie.  We'll call this the Second Rule of Poo.

On Day Three, I walked into the boys' bedroom and discovered an even bigger mess.  Not only had Holden ignored the Second Rule of Poo, he had smeared it all over his bed, his stuffed animals, and down the track of his plastic Thomas the Train set.  Apparently he thought a nice poo slalom would be exciting for Thomas and Percy and anyone else unfortunate enough to visit the Island of Sodor that evening.  After a lot of scrubbing, some bleach, a shower and a lot of gagging, we discussed the Third Rule of Poo: Keep it in the Pull Up, and it's corollary, "Don't gross out Sir Topham Hat."

Upon further investigation of the boys' toys we had to discuss the Fourth Rule of Poo: Don't put it in a tiny metal and ceramic pot and attempt to microwave it in your toy kitchen.  (We'll worry about the whole metal-objects-in-the-microwave thing later.  I have to have my priorities, you know.)  Holden thought he was making "brownies."  You may think I'm making this up, but if you ask him about it he'll tell you about it with great pride even now.  Needless to say, I'll never look at a box of Duncan Hines quite the same way again.

On Day Four, I successfully placed Holden on the potty before he pooed.  Holden is a "hider" and doesn't like an audience, so I retreated to the kitchen to let him do his thing.  When I returned to the bathroom, I discovered that Holden had smeared poo all over the toilet and himself.  We had a shower and discussed the Fifth Rule of Poo: Keep it in the toilet, a close cousin to "Keep it in the Pull Up".

On Day Five, I hid behind the bathroom door while Holden did his thing, determined not to permit him time to violate the Fifth Rule of Poo.  Man, the CIA needs to hire that boy because in 30 seconds he managed to poo, smear it everywhere, and begin to investigate the nearby basket of clean laundry.  He did this all silently.  We had another shower, ran some laundry, discussed Rules Two through Five again and I threw in the Sixth Rule of Poo: Keep it away from Daddy's clean laundry.

At this point I decided that Holden was not actually ready to be potty trained.  If he was, his deep and abiding fondness for poo play seems to be enough of an excuse to keep him in diapers until he turns 18 or goes off to college, whichever comes first.

I've recently begun to wonder if we should try the whole potty training thing again with Holden.  It seems that some of the rules have begun to sink in.  Yesterday when I was in the bathroom, Holden barged in, put his hands on my knees, looked right into my eyes and oh-so-seriously imparted the First Rule of Poo: "Mommy, don't poo on your hands."

 

This post originally appeared on the DC Metro Moms Blog on May 3, 2009. Now that the site is inactive, I'm slowly moving my posts over to my blog, starting with this, one of my favorite posts!

My Scarlet Letter H

My youngest child is a force of nature.

Holden is a challenging child, I know, but he's also incredibly sweet and very bright.  It's just that he's very different from his older brother, Hollis.  Hollis is our introvert, shy guy and people pleaser.  Holden is...well, Holden is Holden.

We recently moved Hurricane Holden from a more traditional preschool to a Montessori-based school after some behavioral problems developed.  Holden has always been a stubborn child, but he was hitting and kicking his classmates and flat out refusing to participate in anything that didn't interest him. His preschool teacher adored him and was well intentioned, but Holden was clearly in the wrong kind of classroom. 

Holden was starting to become "that child." 

When I met other parents from his classroom and said I was Holden's mom, I'd watch their faces as recognition hit, followed by an "Ohhhhhhh."

Continue reading "My Scarlet Letter H " »

How Things Change in Five Years

Baby to Boy

How did this:

Become this?

H&H Hit the Botanical Gardens

T and I took the boys to the botanical gardens this weekend so I could attempt some photos of the boys.  I say "attempt" because, while the boys are older and a bit more cooperative these days, whether or not they'll pose for more than a photo or two is really hit or miss.

I had an ulterior motive for this trip.  I wanted to try out a new photo video technique.  I gave T my iPhone and had him take video of the boys while I was setting up their shots.  This is interspersed throughout the slideshow.  When you see a film clip, the shot immediately following it was the ultimate result.

I think it makes the video have much more impact and it gives you a small glimpse into the world of my boys.  I can't wait to start trying this out with my LightHearted Photography clients!  Enjoy!

Team WhyMommy's Virtual Science Fair

I've posted before about Susan aka WhyMommy from Toddler Planet.  Susan is a mom to two little boys, about the same ages as H&H.  She's also a scientist and an awesome writer.  Oh, and she kicked cancer's ass a few years ago.

Unfortunately, Susan's back in surgery.  Once again, she has tons of bloggy support.  In fact, Jean from Stimeyland came up with a great way to let Susan know that we're thinking about her.  Not by talking about cancer, but by teaching our kids about science.

While I've fallen off of the blogosphere radar for awhile now, I had to participate in this.  I hope she'll read all of our posts in a few days and realize how many people are thinking about her and, most importantly, following her example.

For our "science project" we planted a garden!  This is a big thing for me.  Despite the fact that I'm married to a guy who grew up on a farm, we've never attempted to keep anything green, aside from a few hardy houseplants, alive.  In the interests of full disclosure, I must admit that we currently only have 1 remaining houseplant.  All the others have fallen victim to our benign neglect or the careless cruelty of our cats.

The Garden

T did all the heavy lifting and constructed our garden boxes: 

Hollis helped a bit!

 
The boys "helped" T load the boxes with soil:

 

We planted peas, green beans, squash, cucumbers, onions, lettuce, broccoli, peas, corn, watermelon, tomatoes, sunflowers and peppers.  Of course, they wouldn't all fit in our two raised garden boxes, so we also cleared out some ground near a fence for the corn and sunflowers.  We also used some garden boxes up on our patio for the overflow.

 

After we planted two weeks ago, the boys asked me every. single. day. if their veggies were done yet.  And every day, they came out and helped us water the garden.

And now, they can see the results of their labor:

 
 

(Holden checks out the cucumbers.)

(I think the boys were most impressed with the green beans!)

 

The boys still haven't lost their enthusiasm for helping out and we're going to milk that for all it's worth!

The boys now understand a bit more about how and why things grow. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they'll decide that vegetables they grew themselves are definitely worth eating.  As for me, I think about Susan every time I look out at the garden and send her a big virtual hug.

Don't forget to go read the rest of the Team WhyMommy Virtual Science Fair posts.

All of these photos were taken on my iPhone.  Just in case you were wondering.